30 Years In The Making

I started writing this two weeks after my 29th birthday. It was initially just self reflection notes about how I felt being so close to 30 and what I had to show for nearly 30 years on this earth. It seems as if people have made turning 30 a dreaded journey or maybe even a fearful journey. The year that society tells us that we’re supposed to have it all together and have already achieved the “American Dream.” Well let me tell you if you don’t already know, it’s a scam! It’s like making it seem that if you’re not done checking all the boxes by 30, then time is up and life is over. It’s such a silly way of thinking. I personally just want to freely live life. To allow whatever/whoever that’s supposed to be apart of my life freely flow to me at the designated time. Also, to never stop going after the things that I do want to be apart of my life.

Life is meant to be lived, to make mistakes, to learn, and to grow with every coming year. I have an unexplainable understanding of my growth as a woman and as a human being, primarily mentally and emotionally. An understanding that includes knowing who I am NOT and who I am, then being that woman unapologetically. I feel “grown” and I owe that to life experiences, not age itself. I believe women, especially, often get lost in their many titles, roles, and other people ideas of who they should or should not be. I’ve always told myself that I never want to be so wrapped up into anything or anyone that I lose my sense of individuality or independence. If the last year or so has taught us anything it’s that time and life is precious. Too precious to live on anyone’s timeline but your own.

I believe a lot of the anxiety that surrounds turning 30 is fueled by comparison and the idea that time is running out. Comparing your life to someone else’s will never bring you any peace. Your time is your time. You can’t be them just as much as they can’t be you. Especially, if the comparison is based on a luxurious social media post that’s likely coming from someone living in misery in reality.

Anywho, it is my 30th birthday after all! To God be the glory! With every blessing, comes a lesson. I’ve had some great knock downs and get back ups before 30 and for that I am grateful because it conditioned me to be prepared for whatever this next decade may bring. On another note, allow me to briefly recap or highlight my 20s, if you will.

At 21, I graduated college (walked away with a few thousand dollars in debt that later quadrupled).

At 22, I moved back home to start grad school.

At 23, I finished school (about as far as I was willing to go at the time) with a Masters degree. I also met a young fellow who later became my old man.

At 24, I moved out of my mother’s home (3 months into it I began to feel I made the move prematurely).

At 25, I got on an airplane for the first time.

At 26, I launched a small blog that ended up receiving views from 32 countries and counting. (And here you are still rolling with me).

By 27, I was working on my 7th career job (still just can’t get it right…or maybe choosing peace has been right all along).

Also at 27, I married my homie, lover, friend. Then somewhere in between, before the 2 year marital mark, I found myself questioning the longevity of my holy matrimony (perhaps it was the quarantining…in a one bedroom apartment). On the contrary, I believe it strengthened the partnership.

I gave birth at 27 (although the outcome wasn’t favorable, I now have two forever angels guiding me).

Wooo let me take a breath because year 27 was a doozy!

At 28, I was laid off from a job for the first time. (I found myself applying for the exact same governmental assistance programs that I was just offering as a resource to patients a few months prior. The IRONY of life).

Also by 28, I had had the opportunity to put my feet (because I can’t swim) in international waters of the Atlantic Ocean, Indian Ocean, and Pacific Ocean by way of a few trips (I definitely plan to take more).

At 29, I launched a small business (go check out http://www.burninghands.org).

Also at 29, I escaped “the novel Corona virus”, better known as COVID-19 (now here we are slowly coming out of a panini, panoramic, pan dulce, etc).

Also also at 29, I became a first time home owner!

Again, to GOD be the glory for it all, the good and the not so good. For without Him, I know I would not still be standing. Furthermore, I say all this to say we often forget just how far we’ve come and just how much we’ve made it through. Usually, it’s because our focus is always about getting to the next future accomplishment, without realizing we’re standing in the midst of a present accomplishment. The things we think are sent to break us, without a doubt actually builds us. Take a moment to breathe and know that it’ll all happen eventually. It’s all in the making and there’s nothing more perfect than God’s timing. While waiting, toot your own horn if nobody else will! Clap for yourself and provide your own validation and approval. Because in my head I’m the best to ever do it, whatever IT may be, and I don’t need anyone to verify it.

I’m content with my life and continuing to learn myself. My happiness waxes and wanes because that’s what happiness does. However, my joy and my ability to continue to smile, remains constant. I’ve come to learn a few things about myself. I’ve learned that I will always prefer solitude over frequent socializing. I’ve learned that I lack much patience and tolerance for nonsensical things or people as I get older. I do not like being confused or in the midst of confusion, so I need people to always say what you mean and mean what you say. I’ve learned that routine does not and will not work for me long term. Therefore, I tend to constantly seek new experiences. It’s not to be labeled as losing interest fast, but more so an effort of not becoming too complacent. Becoming complacent leaves you close minded to change. When changes arrive, because they always do, then you’re effected by it more heavily because you became too complacent. I want to spend my 30s making changes and being open to change. I hold on to the belief that the best is always yet to come. I embrace this 30 year old woman with love. This love is 30 years in the making and only meant to grow stronger. I also embrace my everlasting support systems with love. I thank God for all my loved ones.

I know that I’ve grown and I make no excuses for who I am/am not, what I do/don’t do, or what I’ve done/not done. Remember, we’re more than any titles (wife, mother, friend, business owner, sister, daughter, etc.) that we may hold. At the end of the day, what’s more important is how can someone describe you without any accolades or titles attached. Now as for me, I can have a Meg the stallion moment and say “I’m that bitch, been that b**ch…” lol. Instead I’ll just say I’m blessed, been blessed, still blessed, and will forever be blessed. Hey 30, nice to meet you! 😘

Peace & Love

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