Joy & Pain

“For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Psalms 30:5 KJV

I guess we can all say this wasn’t the 2020, the dawn of a new decade that we expected. It’s been a ride thus far, almost as if it was 2019 Part II. I honestly have no complaints though. The time brought needed recuperation and rejuvenation. I wouldn’t be me and this wouldn’t be CSS if we didn’t allow some time and space for self-reflection on the latest moments of life.

Besides the virus pandemic, another pandemic is still ongoing. The constant attack on the black race by law enforcement or by non-black citizens in general. It’s been occurring for generations and generations. None of it is new but it seems being caught on camera is shedding more light. The country is in unrest now but the black community has never been able to rest. It’s exhausting to continue to have to endure the stories of black men and women being murdered simply because they were black. In my opinion, everyone has their own personal belief on how to produce change.

My issue lies in the shaming and guilt tactics when people feel others way should coincide with their way. Whether some people choose to march and protest is a personal choice. It shouldn’t affect what one may believe is the best way to bring about change. The same goes for those that choose to protest. If someone wants to fight the battle legally and intellectually within the system and not physically, that is a personal choice. Everyone’s role is different but the goal is the same!!

So continue to do your part in what helps keep you going in your individual life and what will ultimately help us collectively. My hope is that with the unfortunate recent event of the murder of George Floyd by Minneapolis police officers it will finally allow us to break the barrier of not being heard and for everyone to understand why black lives matter.

The last we spoke I welcomed in a new year with clarity on the past events of 2019, namely job loss. I was unemployed before the pandemic crisis so things were already bumpy. Now imagine being on a job search when majority of the US population had also become unemployed.

I know everyone has their idea of gender roles in a household, but I will always stand by the fact that if it’s a two person household then at least two incomes should be provided. Furthermore, I personally have never been satisfied with the being a “stay at home wife/mom” role. It’s just not my cup of tea, I have to bring something to the table too. Long story short, the job search was wearing on me. I even considered a few different business ventures and also turned down ones that I had already decided I would no longer accept. In the midst of everything during this time, God continued/s to cover us nonstop. We never lacked on a bill, a meal, or a shirt or shoe.

Strength is a common theme throughout CSS, simply because we need it and we have to be reminded every so often that we already have it. We all possess strength, not just physical strength but also internal strength. It’s the kind of strength that we rely on to move pass and fight through inward and outward battles of life. The strength used to fight through the last battle is built upon what will be used to fight the next battle. I mentioned last time that, I thank God for clarity in knowing and believing from my soul that no matter what may happen, everything forever and always will be A-OK. I trust now more than ever that God will send who and what I need in the very moment that I need it.

After 6 months of unemployment, through approximately a hundred applications and a number of interviews, through the nationwide shortage of jobs, I AM NOW EMPLOYED ONCE AGAIN! I never thought it would be so important to say but it holds more meaning because battles were fought in those 6 months. Especially during a global crisis when everyone around us is on edge about the unknown and whatever is to come. I however have been repeatedly shown that we’ll get through it. It’s what’s so beautiful about life, to know that there will be good and bad times but to understand that through it all we still stand. Through every battle or test there is a lesson to be learned. I would say for me this period is patience, to wait solely on God to come through as always. Faith is always the underlying matter.

Almost a year ago I shared the loss of my first child, a baby girl stillborn at 20 weeks.  I decided to share that story as a form of release and closure. Mother’s Day has passed and we are approaching our daughter’s first birthday tomorrow. This time last year was a very dark time for me and I can say confidently that I’m not where I once was, and that with each passing day, I gain renewed strength.

There’s a well-known song by Frankie Beverly and Maze called “Joy and Pain.” The chorus goes “joy and pain is like sunshine and rain…” There’s a breakdown part in the song that rings so true, it says, “Over and over you can be sure there will be sorrow but you will endure. Where there’s a flower there’s the sun and the rain.” Whatever you may be facing during this time and/or have faced during this time, know that it will not last. There’s good in the bad and wins in the losses. Know that we will always have our battles to fight for as long as we are breathing, but win or lose we still get through it. We still pick up the pieces and move forward. I have a feeling that the latter part of 2020 will be better than the former, for us all. We just have to keep it moving. Count it all joy! Until next time…

Peace and Love

CSS

Happy 1^st Birthday babygirl!

“Little flower, angel-child, you came to me a tiny bud unable to open into life. But through me You came into being, and went directly Home to live and bloom eternally.”    -Mayme Rubenkoenig