Never Truly Alone

I have 24 chapters to my story but I’m going to fast forward to college because this is where I began to figure out who I was and most importantly, who I wanted to be. I started college at Texas A&M University in College Station in August 2012. It was by far the best and worse time of my life. I made my first C (three to be exact) due to me not knowing how to study. Yes, those AP classes in high school prepared me so well. I also experienced my first family death while being away from home. This was a feeling that I came to know so well throughout my college years.

I lost both my, maternal and paternal, grandmothers during my time in college, along with many other immediate family members. I was dealing with grief, the stress of being a full time college student, and working 2 jobs (3 at one point). I was just trying to survive. I was just going through the motions, not living at all. I had become someone I didn’t like, let alone love. I had no regard for others’ feelings. I held all my emotion in (except anger). It was really bad!

I didn’t have many friends during college. Unsurprisingly, nothing has changed. I felt alone majority of my years in school. My childhood best friend told me she didn’t want to be friends anymore due to our different paths of life. That hurt the most. The few friends that I did have begun to project their lack of confidence on me and I noticed I had become insecure in areas of my life. I had to let them go. By going through all of these things, without having anyone to really lean on, I had no choice but to turn to who should’ve been my first choice from the start, God.

I begin to consistently go to church and became a Sunday school teacher for pre-school kids. I began to volunteer. I begin to feed my spirit. I gained peace. I had to dig deep and work through all of the emotions I had balled up inside. I pulled through college and graduated with my accounting degree in August 2016. The 3 weeks that followed were absolutely horrible. I went through many interviews and rejections. I can laugh now, but I was crying everyday thinking I would never find a job. I listened to the world saying, “no one finds a job after college.” I believed this until one day I just said to God, “You got it, I’ll get a job when You are ready for me to have one, I’ll just enjoy my time off.” The next day I received a job offer from a great company, in my field.

I am currently an associate accountant and I will be finishing my Masters of Accounting degree in December 2018. I have big plans of becoming a CPA and furthering my career. I am still learning who I am and who I want to be. One thing I know for sure, is to keep my focus on God. No matter how tough life gets, with Him, everything else will fall into place. I know I am never truly alone.

Deshawna