Wanderlust and Just Wondering

It’s been about three months since we last spoke and it’s three months into 30. Life has carried on as normal as can be, depending on your definition of normal. I believe we’ve all entered a new dimension of normalcy. Everyone is trying to carry on with life despite the constant cycle of bad news that is COVID-19 related, politics, crime, and general dealings of everyday people drama. I decided to take a second solo trip, in which I traveled to our northern friend, Canada. My first solo trip was 3 years ago to Thailand. It was planned out 6 months ahead. Canada, however, was a spur of the moment decision planned out in two weeks. I had wanted to take the trip for a while but due to the demon that is COVID, their borders had been closed up until recently. So when the borders reopened and I found myself with hours of PTO that I had to use before the holidays, I jumped on the opportunity.

I absolutely hate spending days off at home now. Allow me to put this into perspective. I’ve been home since November 2019. Six months of that time was due to unemployment, the other eighteen months and counting is due to working from home. At first it was temporarily, now it’s permanently. Since I’m already home 70% of the week, I don’t really like to stay home on off days. On the other hand, I also prefer not to be obligated to go anywhere else or respond to invitations. Contradictory, I know. It’s just I want to choose how I spend my time. With that being said, if I could spend all my days traveling, I surely would do so.

I was asked by someone recently “why are you traveling?” My initial answer was, “for my entertainment and because I want to.” I later had to actually think over the question to be sure I gave a truthful answer. For the most part, it is the truth, but it’s mainly because travel gives me a peace, a freedom, and a high (if you will) that I have yet to find in anything in the earthly realm. Especially, when I travel alone. That’s not a shot to anyone I’ve traveled with, including my husband, but he understands that we both need alone time at times. It’s an escape and I think we all desperately need “escapes” these days. The escape in travel for me is the immersion in another way of life, other than my own.

This is not to be confused with escaping problems or replacing them with substances because no matter what you do or where you go, a problem will always be a problem until it’s addressed. This is mainly about finding your peaceful escape from the reality of everyday life. It’s about unplugging for a while to refill yourself before rejoining society again. When I was younger, books were a definite escape for me. Though I still read, it doesn’t have the same effect that it once had. I don’t consider myself a travel guru or anything like that because I honestly don’t think I’ve “been in the game” long enough.

I just know that when I don’t unplug I find myself wondering. Wondering about the future, wondering about how past events would’ve played out if different steps were taken, wondering about old acquaintances, old friends and teachers, and just wondering. Being in a constant state of wondering, I believe, is a slippery slope to an anxiety disorder. I had a doctor visit earlier in the year and I was explaining to my doctor how I was having trouble sleeping. So he prescribed me anxiety medication. I took two pills out of the whole bottle and haven’t taken any since because they made me feel terrible. Turns out all I needed were new mattresses because I haven’t had an issue sleeping since. Nevertheless, I think he may have been on to something because I’ve noticed how my mind and body reacts when I “think too hard.” I’ve come to learn the triggers and how to bypass them, including outright not caring so much. However, it’s travel that helps escape it all together.

I’ve caught a lot of flack about going by myself, understandably so, but it usually doesn’t change my outlook. If I sit and wonder about all the things that could go wrong while traveling alone then I’m defeating the purpose within itself. Furthermore, I strongly dislike operating or doing anything from a place of fear or even not doing something because of fear. In laymen’s terms, I don’t like feeling like a punk b*tch. That’s not to say things don’t scare me because last year, on a trip to Costa Rica, I was hyped about going snorkeling. Five seconds into being off the boat and in the ocean I immediately asked for rescue back to the boat. I knew I couldn’t swim but I didn’t want fear to stop me from at least getting in (see what I mean).

I’m always looking forward to more travel. As I mentioned in a previous post, I don’t do well with routine so I seek new experiences often. If you’re able to find a healthy escape, I say go for it, whatever it may be. If it’s travel, book the trip and forget needing people to go with you. The precious time spent wondering about meaningless things could be used for creating meaningful moments. It’s important to remember to take time for yourself and who knows where I may wander next.

“Love is life. And life is free. Take a ride. On life with me. Free your mind. And find your way. There will be. A brighter day.” -Erykah Badu

Peace & Love

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